Is There a Doctor in the House?

There is no way that I can complete this project without insights from professional child psychologists. According to Dr. Towne, a child psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, "We all go through phases of dealing with our racial/ethnic identity either as the accuser or as the accused."

“As people of color, we often struggle with how we see ourselves and how well we relate to other members of our racial or ethnic group. Children in particular do whatever they must to avoid feeling marginalized. They know, sometimes instinctively, other times by personal experience (but mostly reminded by members of the dominant group and/or dominant culture) that they can never be White. Yet, they must find ways to become accepted by a dominant group that requires them to check their heritage and culture at the door, and by their own group that despises such a request. Children experience great pain and emotional distress navigating and negotiating between these worlds just to find themselves rejected by both. That is what it means to be marginalized. It is hard for a child to succeed in life without feeling marginalized at some point during their development. There is a fear of both losing one’s self and finding oneself.”

Any comments?

Chapter 8: III or LLL

When I originally made a list of the coping mechanisms I thought were appropriate for this book, one of them was: "Ignore Ignore Ignore." My business coach's immediate response was: "You should change it to: Love Love Love." I understand why he said that. Do you?

Does ignoring the taunting and teasing help you cope?

Do you think I would be turning a negative (ignore) into a positive (love) if made the chapter title more focused towards Love Love Love?

Do you think you could love a person (rhetorically speaking) that taunts you?

Chapter 7: Pray

No matter what your spiritual or religious beliefs are, prayer/meditation is the common denominator.

Coping Skill #7. Pray

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.

~Johann von Goethe

Is prayer or meditation a way to cope with being the target of thoughtless remarks? If yes, how so? If no, why not? Please list 7 things you would pray for or meditate about regarding the subject of talking/acting white.

How You Vent

We all have different ways that we release our frustrations. Some of us take tropical vacations (niiice), some of us work out, some of us have a hobby that takes our mind off of any challenges we might be trying to manage. Some of us use substances, write in a journal, scream out loud, or take long walks. Please list 5 ways that you personally vent and 5 ways you would tell a young person to vent.

Originally, Acknowledge Your Feelings and Vent were going to be two separate coping mechanisms. Do you think they should be separate chapters or do you think they should be together? Please give reasons for your answer.

Chapter 6: Create a Dialogue

The next coping mechanism is to Create a Dialogue. By creating a dilalogue in a non-confrontational way, it might possibly disarm the person tossing around the verbal insults, provoke insights, and might even possibly be a catalyst for change. Do you believe that to be true? If so, why? If not, why not? How would you create a dialogue? Kindly provide 10 soft non-confrontational responses to "You act/talk like a White girl." And then provide 5 candid responses (you know, what you'd REALLY like to say). LOL. And please don't look at the other comments BEFORE you give your responses. It's more fun that way...

Chapter 5: Like Minds & Friends

As we dig deeper into this discussion, you will likely come across a question that you think you have answered previously. If that is the case, I would like to ask that you re-consider the question and provide an answer that focuses specifically on the question presented. It is natural to go off on a bit of a tangent when you talk about emotional issues, but I'd like to try to get everyone to give the questions some thought before you answer (even if that means you need to go away and think about it for a day or two), and again to be as specific as possible. I'm not looking for a dissertation (LOL) and I acknowledge that sometimes short answers are enough, but I'm looking for meat. =)

I'd also like to say that the word "bully" in the context of this entire dialogue means teasing, taunting, name calling and/or being pushed around physically. By way of example, one focus group participant mentioned that she was never bullied, but in another post mentioned that she would go into her room crying when she was teased. I believe that there are degrees to bullying and being teased is certainly one of them. Hope that helps.

That being said...

Chapter 5: Hang out with Like Minds

or

Hang out with True Friends

What is a friend? I will tell you...it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.

Frank Crane

Few delights can equal the mere presence of someone we utterly trust.

George MacDonald

Do most of the people you currently socialize with sound like you when they speak? What about when you were growing up? If there are some that don't sound like you, does it ever present a problem? Does everyone in your family speak the way that you do? Have any of your family members ever teased you? If so, how did/do you handle it? Have you ever lost a friend because he/she thought you were talking or behaving a certain way?

Have you ever or do you now avoid certain social situations? [Example: I know a 22 year old college graduate Brown Girl with a great job. Good head on her shoulders, etc. When she comes across a group of her African-American peers, she tends to shy away from the group for fear of being teased.]

Do you correct people (including family members) when they use English (or any language) improperly?

Which one of the two titles above would you suggest as a coping mechanism for a child needing a way to cope?

Chapter 4: Know Thyself

Chapter 4: Know Thyself

This above all: to thine ownself be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

-from William Shakespeare's Hamlet

If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
~Harvey Fierstein
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.
~Andre Gide

Being yourself and knowing yourself are very different, do you agree?

If so, why? If not, why not?

Do you agree with the quotes above?

If so, why? If not, why not?

Which one resonates with you the most?

Chapter 3: Be Yourself

Chapter 3: Be Yourself

Be Yourself. Everyone else is already taken.

-Author unknown

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.

~Raymond Hull

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.

~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

~e.e. cummings

Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.

- Judy Garland

As adults over 18, it's probably easier (not always easy) to decide to just go ahead and be yourself. Kids are usually dealing with peer pressure and just want to fit in. If you were bullied as a kid, did you change how you behaved to try to fit in? Did you change how you talk? Did you try to fit in in other ways? Did you become a loner or did you have a core group of friends?

At your current age, do you find yourself changing the way you talk or behave to fit a certain situation?

Chapter 2: Acknowledge Your Feelings

FYI: It is highly likely that these chapters are not in the order they will appear in the book. Nevertheless, the next coping mechanism is:

Chapter 2: Acknowledge Your Feelings

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.

~Benjamin Disraeli

Eyes that do not cry do not see.

–Swedish proverb

[P]eople will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

-Maya Angelou

There are a ton of feelings we all have surrounding this issue. Talk about yours. How does it feel when someone makes a thoughtless remark about their perception of your speech or behavior? Sad? Hurt? Angry? Frustrated? Nonchalant? How do you manage your feelings? Do you lash out? Do you hide your feelings or withdraw? Do you handle your feelings differently now than when you were a child?

Chapter 1: Consider the Source

Hola!

A news release about The Talking White Project went out on the African-American newswire yesterday and the Hispanic newswire today. I already have a few interviews scheduled and I want you to know that your input (without your personal info, of course) will be a part of any dialogue I have from here on out. It has begun. =)

So, now we're on to Chapter 1 of the book and coping point #1 is Consider the Source. Every chapter will start with a short quote relative to the coping point, and my business coach gave me a great quote that I think might be relevant:

Chapter 1: Consider the Source

Every Attack is a Cry for Love in Disguise

-Author Unknown

Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.

-Samuel Johnson

Kindly provide your thoughts relative to the quote. Do you believe it to be true? Do you know of a situation where you realized that the person that was name calling or saying you "talk/act White/Dutch/etc." might have been intimidated or threatened by you in some way? Do you think it is purely ignorance that causes people to attack? Do you think their attacks are really a reflection of how they might feel about themselves? Please share your thoughts and provide specific details and examples.

Also, if you have a quote that you think might be a fit for this Chapter, please post it as well.

Toodle-oo.