Hola!
A news release about The Talking White Project went out on the African-American newswire yesterday and the Hispanic newswire today. I already have a few interviews scheduled and I want you to know that your input (without your personal info, of course) will be a part of any dialogue I have from here on out. It has begun. =)
So, now we're on to Chapter 1 of the book and coping point #1 is Consider the Source. Every chapter will start with a short quote relative to the coping point, and my business coach gave me a great quote that I think might be relevant:
A news release about The Talking White Project went out on the African-American newswire yesterday and the Hispanic newswire today. I already have a few interviews scheduled and I want you to know that your input (without your personal info, of course) will be a part of any dialogue I have from here on out. It has begun. =)
So, now we're on to Chapter 1 of the book and coping point #1 is Consider the Source. Every chapter will start with a short quote relative to the coping point, and my business coach gave me a great quote that I think might be relevant:
Chapter 1: Consider the Source
Every Attack is a Cry for Love in Disguise
-Author Unknown
Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble.
-Samuel Johnson
Kindly provide your thoughts relative to the quote. Do you believe it to be true? Do you know of a situation where you realized that the person that was name calling or saying you "talk/act White/Dutch/etc." might have been intimidated or threatened by you in some way? Do you think it is purely ignorance that causes people to attack? Do you think their attacks are really a reflection of how they might feel about themselves? Please share your thoughts and provide specific details and examples.
Also, if you have a quote that you think might be a fit for this Chapter, please post it as well.
Toodle-oo.
I'm not sure how much I agree with the quote "every attack is a cry for love in disguise"....I think a better phrasing may be "every racial attack is due to ignorance".
ReplyDeleteIn thinking about the friends that I grew up with, when they were calling me white girl I'm not sure they did it because they wanted to be like me, but more because they couldn't understand what the big deal was with me doing well in school. It was more "who cares about that, be with us" than "I wish my parents made me do that too".
All of my friends hated my mom because she was so strict with me...while they could dress the way they wanted and roam the streets whenever, my mom was saying "NO WAY" to the chola clothes and late hours.
It's not that they wanted to have what I had at home, but that they didn't know anything different.
Another example of ignorance is by my white classmates. This ignorance made some feel intimidated or threatened by me. I was the only Mexican that they had had any real contact with because I was sitting beside them in class. Some would challenge me to getting the best grade on a test -- usually I won. Then they would say I cheated or the teacher liked me. They mocked my "accent" -- one that I don't even have! Their ignorance of me and my culture made them feel uneasy. "How could someone like that do better than someone like me?"
I couldn't agree more with Gaby; racial remarks ARE due to ignorance!
ReplyDeleteI had a recent incident (last night) where my fellow friend from work, his friend and myself were the only African-American people at this bar on the North Side of Chicago. My friend (who is Latino and African-American) and his friend (who is a black woman) came to join some of our work friends and their friends for a get-together.
As some of our friends left and one went to the restroom, we were left at the table by ourselves and I overheard my friend's companion yelling about why he invited her to this "white $#!+". I was outraged and totally offended! I may not be white, but I was offended for my friends (some of whom I've considered family throughout the course of my life). I was just outright disgusted by this ignorance!
I don't know her and don't know about her previous experiences in life, but there's no excuse for such behavior! So, I attribute this to not only ignorance, but low self-esteem. Not to throw insults in her direction (or anyone who says such things or anything similar to that), but I feel sometimes people feel they have to be heard and are loud because they lack the confidence deep within.
I like to watch people and I observed her body language. When she wasn't monpolizing my friend's time (because she refused to talk to us for some reason-go figure!), she sat slumped over as she stared at the television, lacking confidence in her posture.
I just have to pray for souls such as those, otherwise I will continue the cycle of hatred and anger that must come to an end.
I think about this in terms of assimilation. When I have been told that I "talk white", one of the underlying psychological aspects is the ability to adapt. If we look at it like this: "Talking white" is most always a reference to sounding like/language usage of the "majority" who have power. Being able to "sound" like the preverable THEM is similar to "Passing for White" or "trying to be White". Whether those accused of "talking white" speak the way they do by nature/nurture OR practice, it does cause those who do not to self reflect somehow. So...long story...point is this: When someone tells me that I "talk white" several things come to mind. (1) Speaking correctly and being able to converse in an intelligent manner is not indigenous to "white people" (2) Speaking correctly and being able to converse in an intelligent manner is not a betrayal to black, mexican, asian, etc., people (3) Those accusing of me of "talking white" are REALLY saying that (1) they feel that their own speech is inadequate and (2) they REALLY admire my speech but don't want to say it.
ReplyDeleteBoth quotes are appropriate in my opinion.
No, I do believe either of these quote.
ReplyDeleteAs for myself and the situations where I was called "acting/talking white". It was pure ignorance. I do not feel as if the people attacking me were intimidated or threatened by me. I remember a couple of years ago I was having a get together at my house and I was making mixed drinks, my aunt told me that I make drinks like white people because I added fresh strawberries to the mix and put whip cream on top. I replied to her by stating that, "I didn't know that there is a certain way for black people to make drinks."
Yes, I believe that it is due to ignorance.
Yes, for most of the individuals the attacks are because how they feel about themselves. The only thing that makes them happy is to try to bring others who are different from them down.
I can't say that I totally agree with the quote, "Every Attack is a Cry for Love in Disguise", but I do believe that behind most negative comments and barbs lurks some serious inferiority issues. I remember attending a function for black female professionals one evening. A friend/co-worker of mine had invited several people to meet her there. As a few of my co-workers were sitting talking with one of my friend's guests, she said quite loudly, "okay..this is a black function, SOME folks need to turn off their white proper talking now"(I was extremely annoyed, because she was obviously talking about me and a few of my friends). I smiled and said to her (using my inside voice) that I was raised to speak proper english at all times and wouldn't think of disprecting my black sisters or myself by lapsing into a litany of slang and bad grammar just because this was a black function. This woman proceeded to say that not only did SOME folks "talk white", but that many of the other things she heard us talk about (favorite foods, music, books, career and education goals for ourselves and our children) sounded like white folks stuff, and asked if we thought we were better than "regular" black folks. "Regular" black folks?...no I didn't even ask.
ReplyDeleteI really didn't feel the need to explain myself to this woman, because I don't let anyone define me. However, I was saddened by the fact that she seemed to think that all the positive things we discussed were reserved for whites.
This is just one example of the ignorant comments I have witnessed, and I think this attack was definitely about how this woman felt about herself.
So...I would like to add one of my favorite quotes to this post:
"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies and eaten alive"
~Audre Lorde
As for my family who say I talk white or act white, I believe that their comments comes from ignorance as well of lack of exposure. They weren't used to seeing someone like them doing well in school, traveling outside of her own city and even neighborhood, and speaking proper as well.
ReplyDeleteI think that if I wasn't always praised for doing well in school or if I my mother wasn't raising her daughters differently, my cousins would not have been calling me white girl. I don't believe that "every attack is a cry for love in disguise," however, I do think that my cousins wanted to have the same experiences as I. I believe that their comments are really saying, "You are different from me, and I don't think I feel comfortable with it." Why I have to be white because of it is probably because of ignorance. Some black youth do not see their own kind excelling in school or becoming successful. So, a lack of African American role models can be what stems the ignorance.
Personally I think that "Every attack is a cry for love in disguise" can go for a lot of things, but not when it comes to racism. Normally speaking, I think that when someone attacks someone else it is a cry for attention and/or love. In the case of racism, however, I don't think it is a cry for love in disguise because I think racism is all about bringing the other person down so you can feel better about yourself.
ReplyDeleteIn my introduction piece I admitted to saying someone was acting outside of there race color. I can agree it was pure ignorance and done only because that group of people did it to me. Now, I used to live by the rule an eye for an eye until I grew up and realized what I was doing and how bad it made me look. With the quote I agree and disagree. Some would love to be able to pronuciate words correctly, relate with a specific group better than they can others just simply believe that your a sell out because you don't act a certain way all the time. I don't understand that mentality but it's the way some think.
ReplyDelete"Every attack is a cry for love in disguise" - I totally disagree. We are a product of our environment. I come from a family that didn't look at color. We moved to a predomately white area and my parents did not "warn" me of racism. They felt as if I would fit right in because they didn't look at color. I won't call it ignorance on their behalf. I really should thank them for placing me in an environment that might not accept me initially. I came from a city that was called "The Melting Pot" - Brooklyn. I was exposed to different cultures at an early age. So moving to Texas and experiencing ignorance to the first degree was challenging. I had mixed thoughts and plenty of questions for my parents at an early age. My views of other races has not been skewed along the way. I feel sorry for the misguided! To feel hatred for another due to their skin color is pure "IGNORANCE"! Racism is taught!
ReplyDelete"Every attack is a cry for love in disguise" certainly has its place, as it could be used when describing loving (parent/child, romantic) relationships where the attacker is drawing from a painful past experience and perpetuates that negativity into future relationships. When it comes to "talking white", the actions are to gain superiority over the accused by stripping them of their identity/culture. This can only be seen as ignorance, as the attacker is usually saying the accused sees themselves as being better than their own race - the attacker views their race as inferior.
ReplyDeleteFor me, there are two sides of the coin: peers who claimed I "talked white" and white adults who doted on my abilities to "speak so well". Neither groups were in search of love - especially not from me.
It is fair to say that my peers were likely jealous of my success in school and attention of teachers, etc. and perhaps the lifestyle my parents afforded me. To force an adolescent to question who they are just as their personal identity is being formed can be tragic for any minority - especially the double minority of being of color and female. Their self esteem was likely low, and perhaps these were attempts to make mine the same - not a search for love.
The quote by Samuel Johnson, would be better suited for a conversation on assimilation: house slave vs. field slave, "passing", etc. Of course, that opens a whole other can of worms... I don't feel that my accusers wanted to imitate or resemble me. If anything, they may have felt that I was trying to imitate or resemble white people.
MoniqueCB
ReplyDeleteI thought I responded to this one but now I can not view it. I do think that every attack is a cry for love in disguise. Many people do not learn how to express their feelings or insecurities so they choose to lash out when they are hurt. This can often be viewed as an attack especially if you do not know that person or that person refuses to accpet that this is a attribute of their's. I also feel that at times it can be viewed as an act of intimidation, they feel inferior or fearful and rahter than let that feeling show they attack as a show of fearlessness. I would not go as far as to say ignorance, well maybe not in the sense of the word we often think of. If it is ignorance, it is ignorance of how to deal with their feelings and express them in a more constructive manner.
I have to agree with the comments above... usually attacks are not a cry for love. At best, it is a cry for attention. The attacker or provoker is seeking some type of response from you and wants you to react to their comments. However, it is interesting to think when attacks come from loved ones... they may not know how to express their feelings and emotions in a proper way. Perhaps they are reaching out for love and affection, but they can do it in a better way. At best, I think attacks are a cry for more education, engagement, and/or enlightenment. Negative comments present an opportunity to educate others about their shortcomings and teach them something new. Hopefully when they understand the history or the reason why their statement is considered offensive, they will work diligently to become a better person.
ReplyDeleteKimberlyAC
ReplyDeleteMost comments are due to ignorance. Some people just don't know any better. A friend from college used to ask me "black people" questions. You know, they start out with, "You're black, you might know this..." I was very offended, until I met his family. They were the most racist people I have ever met. My friend told me that if his mother wanted me to get beaten up his brother would be happy to do it. My friend knew they were ignorant and that was not the way to treat people. So he asked questions. Some people just don't know how stupid they make thwm selves appear.
I like the first quote, though I feel the second one sounds more to me like another way to say, "To thine own self be true," or, don't try to make yourself into something you're not.
ReplyDeleteIt was impactful for me to follow the advice of this chapter heading and think back aalllll the way to my 6th grade experience and the first time someone told me I "talked white." I have a lot more compassion when I consider those kids now (at the time, I just wanted to fit in so they wouldn't say things like that to me). I was the top student in my class at our small, black & Latino private school, so I could perhaps GUESS that some of the other students resented me for my performance. But again, it's just guessing. I actually feel that the insults about the way I spoke were a normal (though not right) aspect of the bullying/teasing experience that most kids go through in school. The fat girl got teased because she was fat; the boy who talked "country" got teased for that; and the girl with dark skin got teased for that. I guess my "talking white" was what they came up with for me.
I am really on the fence regarding the word 'every' in the first quote. On one hand, I can see how one may utilize "attacks" to bring someone else down in order to seek superiority which is unacceptable. However, if this is the only way one knows how to "cry out" then, this may be the only way they know how or can express their need or "cry" for love. Right, wrong, or indifferent—I am not sure that I can dictate or tell someone how to "feel" or "act." However, I feel that if I am to educate them out of ignorance, then I have to at least meet that person where they are (even if it’s a bit "murky.")
ReplyDeleteDuring most of my middle school years, many of my teachers called on me to function as the "class helper." The desire to feel “good enough” was what I believe many of my peers (including myself) had. In this case, I would describe it as an internal dilemma of wanting to be "cool" (class clown, physical attention) versus being "admired" by teachers/administration. Either way, I feel it was a cry for attention. Since many of us could not articulate this “dilemma” due to our age--the attack on the easiest target (folks knew I really wouldn't fight back--too scared of my mom:-) was the quickest, most effective way to gain the "spotlight," thus receiving some type of attention from both friends and teachers.