Chapter 3: Be Yourself
Be Yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Be Yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
-Author unknown
He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.
He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.
~Raymond Hull
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
~e.e. cummings
Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.
Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.
- Judy Garland
As adults over 18, it's probably easier (not always easy) to decide to just go ahead and be yourself. Kids are usually dealing with peer pressure and just want to fit in. If you were bullied as a kid, did you change how you behaved to try to fit in? Did you change how you talk? Did you try to fit in in other ways? Did you become a loner or did you have a core group of friends?
At your current age, do you find yourself changing the way you talk or behave to fit a certain situation?
Fortunately I was not bullied. My grandparents told me to be always true to myself. So I never tried to fit into a crowd. Either they liked me or they didn't. My circle of friends were mostly family with a few outsiders.
ReplyDeleteAt 29, I am still the same wherever I go. I know how to act and talk no matter what the situation is and be true to myself.
I was bullied and it hurt. I did try to fit in for a while but the difficulty lied in being MORE awkward trying to be something I wasn't.
ReplyDeleteOnce I realized that I was never going to fit in, I embrace my uniqueness and through the support of a great family, I began reaching for the stars regardless of what people thought.
For example, I played trumpet in band beginning in Grade 5. I watched our school's majorette's (baton twirlers) and decided that I wanted to be one. They were beautiful, graceful, and I loved the ruffled butt velvet uniforms that they wore. I told my Mom that I wanted to be a majorette and she asked: "So, how do you become one?"
I researched it and found that private baton twirling lessons were required, building a performance routine for auditions, and then being chosen was required. My mother found out who the best twirling instructors were in my area and hired me one. Every Satudray, we'd travel 30 mile each way for me to take $20 an hour lessons.
As I was training for auditions, all of the black people in my school who gave me opinions, advice (unsolicited) told me that I would never be chosen because in the history of our school, a minority girl had NEVER been on the squad.
Ironically, the people who gave me encouraging words were white. So...I did audition and make the sqaud becoming the first minority in the history of the school.
I did not think of being a majorette as a black/white thing. I trained to be a great batow twirler and made the cut. I wasn't chosen BECAUSE I was a minority nor was I NOT chosen because I was a minority. Skill and merit was the deciding factor.
I was blessed enough to escape the tortures and tauntings of bullies as a child, aside from some jealous children when I first moved from Chicago to a small town in Mississippi as a teenager. As a result, I didn't have to alter my behavior or vernacular to fit into a specific group or clique.
ReplyDeleteI've always been the type of person who liked and tended to get along with most personalities. Everything wasn't perfect. Throughout my life, I've had people question me, the things I do, the music I listen to, who I spend my time with, etc. But, it has been that core group of people (supportive family members, friends-past and present, mentors, etc.)and God's grace who keep me grounded and mindful of who I am. In the end, that's all that really matters.
As a child I was overprotected by my parents. As a result I was not allowed to go to as many parties or sleepovers as the other kids. I found myself trying to overcompensate for my lack of cool by cutting class and smoking cigarettes to be down. I learned pretty fast, after getting in some trouble in school and at home, that I better try something else.Luckily, I had a friend who was raised in a similar manner and we clinged to each other,to this day we are still best of friends. As an adult I have been through so many challenges and heartache I have learned that the only real constant is me. If I change me then what will I have? That is not to say I am not about self reflection and growing as a person, but it is about loving myself for all my faults and attributes. I am good enough as I am and if someone else does not agree find someone else to deal with. I had to learn this and learn it the hard way, but I got it now.
ReplyDeleteYikes I think I answered this question in the last chapter. I've changed myself a lot to fit the situation as I was growing up.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I guess I still try to adapt to fit the situation. But nowadays I feel a lot more comfortable about who I am. Now instead of worrying about my Spanish or skin color I'm more concerned about ageing and my weight.
I was mainly bullied when I was younger by how I looked, which is something I could not change. I did change the way I talked to fit in with some of my peers. If many of the kids I hung around cursed, I would most likely curse as well.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as I got older, I became a loner, always spending time in my room reading. Now that I am older, I rarely change the way I speak. I tend to hang around people who are liked-minded and who I feel comfortable being myself around.
I was bullied as a child (from six to eleven years sporadically) and I actually do believe that if you haven't been through it yourself, you will never completely understand how it is. Thankfully I was never bullied physically (nobody hit me or abused me like that) but I think that being bullied did do something to my mind. I was mostly bullied because of my skin and my name, I live in a very small town where everybody at my school was white, so it never got me wondering "why me", that was obvious to me.
ReplyDeleteI never really tried to fit in (even after I was bullied) because I just fully accepted myself as a "different" girl. My parents made sure I understood I have a different culture and heritage than most Dutch children and I am super proud of my culture. Even when I was a kid I was proud and I always kept in mind that everything would be okay. I don't know where that positive energy came from, now I think about it, but it must have been my parents who did this.
I was a bit of a loner before high school but I had a few very good friends. In high school I was not a loner at all, I had very good friends (in high school I wasn't bullied anymore).
I am still very young and I have to say that at job interviews I try to speak as "white" as I can because at the moment muslims are not very appreciated in the Netherlands and a lot of people think I am one when do look at my appearance so I have to make sure I am not being judged for that. In any other situation I am proud of myself and of my cultural background and I don't change my behavior to fit in. The only thing I want to say (which I already said in Chapter 2) is that being bullied really makes you a stronger person and puts a lot of things in perspective. It makes you understand other people better and it makes you realize how people can be, but also how you can make sure you don't get trapped in that awful behavior.
As for the quotes, I want to respond on "Be Yourself. Everyone else is already taken." because I cannot agree any more. I love that quote. It is all about being yourself and nobody else and not caring what other people have to say about you.
Regardless, of what was said about me when I was younger or now, I never tried to change the way I spoke or acted. My mother has always been told the same thing and has always told me to not worry about it. Although, I used to feel I would lose friends over it; I didn't try to change it. It was me... I went with the attitude take me or leave me.
ReplyDeleteI believe in staying true to myself. I don't have a huge circle of friends and I am thankful. I have never been the type to need to bend myself for the sake of having a plethora of friends. The friends that I have totally get me and I'm cool. I have always stuck of like a sore thumb to some, but I feel I'm that sunflower in the fields of weeds.... :)
ReplyDeleteThankfully I was not bullied as a child, but I was teased every now and then with "white girl" or "bookworm" comments. I was fortunate enough to have a core group of friends, and we didn't have rules for they way any of us should speak or behave...so it didn't bother me that i didn't "fit in" with most of the other kids.
ReplyDeleteI am thankful to have realized at a young age that it is quite liberating to be yourself at all times, and even more liberating when you don't care what others think or how they perceive you.
I was not bullied as a child, but I did sometimes change my behavior to fit into different groups - mostly to make them more comfortable and to gain acceptance.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I do much of that today, unless within the confines of a corporate setting or the like. Well, come to think of it, people say that my voice changes when I am on the phone with strangers. I believe that that is something that I developed from my sister. Growing up in the South, noone ever considered her color while talking to her on the phone because of her name and sound of her voice. They were always surprised when she walked into the office for the face to face interview. I adopted that trait - even if doing something as simple as ordering a pizza.
I LOVE the first quote. There is a notion that we have to "measure up" to others somehow. We come to evaluate our worth sometimes based on how we measure up to others. The truth is that we are all unique emanations of God and that Rocks!
ReplyDeleteAs for changing myself, I see that as an adult I tend to communicate differently sometimes depending on who I am speaking with. I do not consider this being inauthentic, however, because we have to consider our audience in order to communicate effectively.
As a child, in junior high school, I tried to fit in more by learning to curse. I consider it a developmental stage I went through that all kids go through.
KimMM
I was severely bullied. It was so serious that I considered suicide. My bullying was due to being overweight. Since I was not popular I studied more. As a result of getting good grades, I was accused of acting white. So now I was being accused of talking and acting white. Unfortunately even now as an adult I still run in to people that think that way. But I have decided that there is no shame in claiming all that I am. Raymond Hull and e.e. cummings are right. Popeye was right to "I am what I am". It has taken me far to long to appreciate that.
ReplyDeleteKimberlyAC... I am sorry to read that you had that type of experience as a child. But I am very happy to read that you did not take your life too soon. You are created with a purpose and you have something special to show the world. I am glad that you learned how to appreciate your body and that you also learned how to love yourself.
ReplyDeleteAs far as being bullied, there were a few people that would be tease me for being too short, with glasses, and being too smart. I learned how to overcome the negative comments by learning how to make people laugh. I could often find the humor in most situations and take the attention off of things I could not change about myself. Learning how to make people laugh helped me to develop more confidence and as a result, I started to make more friends.
As an adult, I have really learned how to love myself and I appreciate all of the qualities that make me unique. I don't worry about trying to fit in or impress people. I just love people and respect them and hope for the same in return. However, I know that all people may not become my friend, but I still do my best to love on them regardless. I also value the genuine friendships that I have because they have withstood the test of time.
When I was in high school I was a jumper - I could move to different groups within the social system because I didn't try to fit in - I just learned to get a long with everyone in class or any activity I was doing. I couldn't get near the Latinas because I didn't look like a latina or dressed like a latina (which means chola in my hometown). I also dated white guys and they didn't like that either. The one group I think I would have liked to have connected with I did not. I was afraid to be alone. I jumped between groups throughout high school because I learned to get along with everyone so I wasn't. I wanted to be everyone's friend - it made for a good day when you are surrounded by friends.
ReplyDeleteI am now and adult I am not afraid to be alone. I am still a jumper but I am not afraid to stand still anymore.
Due to my height (5'9" since 6th grade) I was never really bullied, just teased. However, I wanted to act and dress like my friends--and my mom was not hearing that. Even though she had zero tolerance for nonsense...I did manage to learn how to play cards (spades, to be exact) and talk "smack" peppered with a few “choice words” in 7th grade to try to fit in. My core set of friends primarily consisted of my teammates (I played volleyball, basketball, and track)--who picked on me, but didn't let anyone else do so. I thought it would help if I had cool stuff (i.e. gum, pop, coins for snacks) at every game to get the “cool” label. Also, learning the rhythm of smack talk so during the confrontation I could get it right for “the comeback” was yet another way I was trying to fit.
ReplyDeleteWhile the entire time my mom was always challenging me to be myself--enjoy my differences and BE the example (not follow them). It was not until my senior year of college did the message finally "click" and now...I just dare to be different (njoing every moment along the way:-)