Chapter 1
Start with You
Even if you have never said that someone was "acting or talking White," some of us have (even if we don't do it anymore), and I think it would be fair to say that some kids have as well...even the ones that have been the victim of namecalling. Saying it can be a way for a kid to to fit in or even an unconscious remark spoken casually and obviously without much thought. There a number of inappropriate words and phrases that people use casually, aren't there? The purpose of the book is not to outwardly admonish anyone who has done so; it is simply to give people something to think about. You cannot give people insights; just stuff to think about.
So, where does this dialogue all begin? I think that first and foremost, it begins with each of us personally. You know: the whole Michael Jackson Man in the Mirror concept.
I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself,
And Then Make A Change.
How we think; how we react; and how we behave is all up to us at the end of the day. What do you think? Can how we view ourselves help us cope with how the world views us?
We have been conditioned to think/believe that saying that someone talks or acts White is nothing to get upset about. The subject has been minimized; do you agree? Have you ever felt foolish for being annoyed by the thoughtless comments?
I have never felt foolish by being bothered by thoughtless comments. I believe in freedom of speech but I also believe that freeomd comes with responsibility. Just because you can say something doesn't mean you should. Someone who calls me names takes away my individuality and marginalizes me as a person. The way I talk or walk or look is frankly none of their business. Why should I feel bad because of how I am. Everyone could be made fun of for some reason. Some reasons are more acceptable than others in certain settings. For instance, in "black" communities, it is ok to make fun of those deemed to talk or act white.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that how we view ourselves helps us cope with how the world views us because it all starts within ourselves. If we don't believe in ourselves in the beginning, how can anyone else believe in us? So, the late and great Michael Jackson was on to something, it does indeed begin with "the man in the mirror".
ReplyDeleteI never felt foolish for being annoyed by those thoughtless comments. More often than not, those comments are swept under the rug. But, after all of this time, I'm still trying to figure out: what is "acting or talking White"?
Yes I have felt foolish for being annoyed. But then I stop myself and think about the one line I have tried to live by. "You do not choose your battles, you choose how you fight your battles. Or you Choose not to fight."
ReplyDeleteI have worked and lived with those who would unconsciously say ignorant comments about my ability to "blend in well" (with what....the desert landscape?}. People do no know how or why their comments are insulting unless you tell them. Now the results of those conversations have not always been good (and downright hostile at times). I have never understood why I am the bad girl for communicating my feelings. But I function in a family and a work world where I am constantly the ambassador of cultural perspective - a strong cultural perspective. And sometimes - I am just tired. I have to choose my battles and use my energy wisely. Fruitless conversations do not work for me. So I get mad at myself for not responding some times. So I will let some silly comments go by and try to laugh it off (like respond in a Rita Moreno accent) to take the edge off. When I find it most effective I will address a person. So I stifle my annoyance and save it for a better time.
Now every experience (the good, the bad and the ugly) I've had has helped me define who I am and how I react to people's ignorance or hatred. It has taken me a long time to be comfortable with my values, convictions and words. So I am teaching my daughters to be confident from the start - to live and be happy with yourself. So many people are not.
I think you are very wise to post this chapter last and it will be first. I revisited a lot of memories and experiences that I had supressed. But maybe opening some old memory boxes was necessary to remind me of how far I and my daughters have come. I realized I am comfortable and love who I am and where I come from. I now need to teach my daughters to be comfortable and love who they are now. The younger the better. Thank you for the opportunity to participate in this focus group.
Looking forward to the next project you have - this has been wonderful for me.
Yes, there have been times that I felt foolish and annoyed by ignorant comments. I have found that the times when I was most affected was when Iwas not feeling the best about myself. When I was having a bad day or week and my immunity was down. That is why it is impertaive that we pray, meditate daily to keep our wits about us. The world is set up to unfortunately knock you dwon. It is within our power to pick ourselves up cosntandtly. This is where our coping mechansims kick in that we discussed earlier on.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely how we view ourselves can help us cope with how the world views us. Raising children to have pride in who they are...their race, ethnicity, language, etc. I believe will help them to deal with people who either tease them for talking white or for talking mexican (as many white kids told me).
ReplyDeleteI think if I had an better understanding of who I was, where I came from I'd have a better sense of pride. I didn't know ANYTHING about my culture or people until I took Chicano Studies courses in college.
This kind of class would greatly serve not only Latino kids but white kids as well.
As for has the issue been diminished...I would say "what issue". It's not been diminished so much as never been brough up. I've NEVER talked about this issue before. I thought it was my issue alone. Just having a book out there will let people know that it IS an issue and that they're not the only one that has experienced it.
I have felt foolish for getting upset over being teased...because I think "don't listen to them, who cares!" But I know that this is what a lot of kids that get bullied think. It's a coping mechanism for them. Try to shrug it off.
I totally agree how we view ourselves can help us cope with the way that the world views us because it is so important to have a positive self-esteem. The first person that we have power to change is ourselves. When we make the necessary changes, we will continue to have a positive influence on the world around us. Also, its important to have a positive outlook on life because there will always be people in life trying to put you down and not wanting to accept you for who you are. The best way to overcome that is by knowing who you are and being CONFIDENT and not letting anyone take that away from you. I hope that this book will continue to open the door for conversation to help other people make positive changes in their life.
ReplyDeleteI agree that how we view ourselves can help us cope with how the world views us. This is why I get so upset when I see someone changing their behavior to try to fit it. If someone is changing their behavior to please others, then what does that say about how they see themselves? A positive self-image is so important, especially for minorities. Due to the history of this country and the "isms" that sadly still exist today, if we don't have a positive image of ourselves, we don't stand a chance.
ReplyDeleteI do not feel foolish for getting annoyed at thoughtless comments like, "you act/talk white", because I maintain now as I did at the beginning of this blog that everyone I know who has had that comment flung at them is someone who speaks proper english. So this comment suggests that proper and correct english is only to be spoken by white people. Do people realize what they are saying?
That leaves the slang and broken grammar to whom? Black people? I think its downright sad that any person is willing to speak improperly just to fit in or be considered a "real" black person.
The subject has been minimized, and that needs to change, because the people who are making these comments need to be educated about the ignorant box they are being kept in, they need to be educated about the doors that will always be closed to them, and the lifestyle they may never achieve, because they are too afraid to be perceived as "acting white".
-Can how we view ourselves help us cope with how the world views us?-
ReplyDeleteI feel that this is completely true – and for an example I draw upon my own life, and compare the way I felt as an adolescent/teen (when most of the name-calling happened) and my 33-year-old self. I know now that there is nothing wrong with the way I speak. I have a wonderful voice, and express myself eloquently (I also think I have a pretty good vocabulary [smile]). However, I can’t say that I reached this new understanding and pride, and shook off all those youthful feelings of inadequacy, all by myself. Once I learned that there were other girls (and boys) who sounded just like me, it became easier. I also relied on two female family members who exhorted their children and grandchildren to speak as well as possible all of the time. I might feel very differently, or be a very different person, without that experience.
My black friends’ and family members’ support of me was also crucial in one aspect: they stopped me from turning my frustration on black folks, and perhaps distancing myself from them. I know a few black people who just don’t hang out with black people anymore. Their stories are similar to mine – told they talked white, made fun of for getting good grades, questioned for their “blackness” for every bit of pop culture they enjoyed that didn’t fit in with other people’s ideas of what black people (should) like. I am guessing that they really never saw that they weren’t alone, and they just gave up on black people in general. I think that’s incredibly sad, but I know I’m projecting. My life is so much richer because I am able to see the lovely diversity of African-Americans. The thoughtless, stupid comments of a few folks along the way didn’t stop me from seeing the beauty of the folks who acted right.
-We have been conditioned to think/believe that saying that someone talks or acts White is nothing to get upset about. The subject has been minimized; do you agree? Have you ever felt foolish for being annoyed by the thoughtless comments?-
I don’t know that I agree. I mentioned in another post that I feel the “talking white” attack – especially among youth – is a standard part of bullying behavior. The way a person sounds is almost as easy to make fun of as the way they look (which the survey you posted showed is the number one subject of bullies’ taunts). It’s not that I think it’s nothing to get upset about – I think bullying in general should never be tolerated.
-Have you ever felt foolish for being annoyed by the thoughtless comments?-
Nope. I think I’m entitled to my annoyance!
I completely agree that how we view ourselves helps us cope with the world. I don't know that the topic of "talking white" has ever really been discussed. This is the first opportunity I've ever had to talk about the subject. Perhaps we've all been dealing with the teasing in our own individual ways. To that end, I don't think the subject has been minimized - it has been ignored.
ReplyDeleteI've never felt foolish for being annoyed by thoughtless comments. That would, in a sense, be denying myself to be me. I've found that, I now express my opinion about such comments now more than I ever would have before.